I'm a forty-something woman who lives in the Sonoran desert of Phoenix, Arizona. After a career of working for other people, I started my own company eight years ago. I'm a writer by profession, and work from my home. Working from home is perfect for a writer. I used to change jobs every two years, but I've finally found a boss and job that I want to keep.

For the most part, I've created the life I always wanted to have. I have a small but charming home that I share with my cat, Skooch. I have a handful of friends that I trust and spend time with. I've been in love twice in my life, and currently live alone. In fact, I prefer being alone to recreational dating, something I gave up in my late twenties. I'm open to discovering a new love in my life, but I can't say I'm really looking. While I'm focused on my goals and my projects, I know that love can be waiting for me around the next corner. That's part of the joy of living -- the surprises along the way.

I have struggled with my weight all of my life. Most of the time, the struggle has been simply putting up with the extra weight, and slowing putting on more. I have really only dieted three times before. The first attempt was in high school, and at the time, I thought I had failed. Looking back, I reached the lowest weight of my adult life. What failed was my self confidence. I've often thought how wonderful it would be to be able to go back in time and whisper into my own ear. I'd tell myself how great I was doing, and not to be bothered because I didn't fit in with the crowd -- to have the courage to keep being myself. Who knows what my life would be like today if I had more confidence during those years.

The second attempt was in my late twenties. I was out in the working world, and out of a job. I returned to grad school to learn some additional things that I thought would make me more employable. I met one of the loves of my life, and went on Weight Watchers. I lost about 25 pounds during that time, which I unfortunately gained back when my heart was broken a year later.

But this was a great learning experience. I took a lot of lessons away from this time. For starters, I promised myself that I wasn't ever going to put myself through the yo-yo dieting. I decided not to start a diet for flimsy reasons and to wait until I was really ready to change my life for myself, permanently. (Little did I know that was going to be 15 years down the road.) The second lesson was that I observed that I was an emotional eater. In fact, during the heartbreak, I found myself eating compulsively, and it scared me.

Armed with that observation, a few years later (after resuming a healthy career) I decided that it was time to work on my compulsive behavior. I joined Overeaters Anonymous, and learned a whole lot about myself. I spent one of the most interesting years of my life in the program. I studied myself, and I realized that different emotions were triggering a desire for different foods -- and I broke the code. In fact, this breakthrough was one of the biggest healing experiences of my life. For the first time, I was really able to understand the swirling emotions I was experiencing. My emotional life became much calmer, and I began to make sense of my life. I didn't actually lose much weight during that time, about 20 pounds, but the learning stuck with me.

I moved to Phoenix 11 years ago to take a job, and fell in love with this place. The job turned out to be a dud, but I quickly found another one, the one that launched me on my self-employment. I had thought that working from home would give me a chance to really build the lifestyle that I wanted. But I discovered that I was overworking as much as I did on jobs, and that I was stressed out nearly as much. The only difference was that it is easier to work 60 hour weeks from home that it is from an office. And I could nap when I got really exhausted. But my fast food / pizza ordering lifestyle only became more entrenched.

In the fall of 2001, I was becoming restless for a big change in my life. For the first time, I realized that I was ready to deal with my weight and my health. I did some research, talked to some people who lost and then regained their weight, and made some decisions. I decided that Weight Watchers would be a good place for me to start, and that I had to focus on something BIGGER than the weight loss. I was determined NOT to make a weight loss project for myself. The real issue in my life was the unhealthy lifestyle, and my weight was only a symptom of that. So, to be successful, I realized that I had to change my lifestyle. This would be the road to a permanent change in my life, not a temporary weight loss followed by a rapid weight gain.

As you can see from my blog, I've been successful during 2002 with my goal to build a healthy lifestyle. I've had some setbacks, and I didn't make as much progress as I would have liked, but there is no denying that I've laid a foundation for a lifetime of change. I'm looking forward to exploring more of the issues around my health, my schedule, my weight, and my body during 2003.

This blog is where I come to talk with myself. You are always welcome to listen in, observe what I'm wrestling with, and take away anything that encourages you. This site does not offer advice to anyone. You should check with your doctor for advice about weight loss and other health issues. This blog also doesn't represent Weight Watchers. I am actively participating in Weight Watchers, but I don't speak for them.

Bottom line: If you are encouraged by what you read here, that is great. If you find something that is valuable to you as you design your own lifestlye, take it and make it your own. You are not the only one who is struggling with these issues. Always consult with your doctor and other health professionals for advice about your life and your decisions.